Actions speak louder than words.

On top of having sucha clumsy day @ work I got a speeding ticket on the way home.. Mofckin car behind me was hella on my ass so I was going like 70ish on the free way (no joke). Saw the patrol car & before I knew it the car behind me was gone & I got pulled over. ON TOP OF IT, I don’t have my plates yet, or my registration papers in the car, my insurance card was all mixed up in the glove department so the cop was watchin gme empty out the paperwork and tampons I had stored in there (lol), & I didn’t know where my drivers license was. Cop said I was going 83, blah blah blah. MOFCIN DIRTY ASS LIAR. Got home, told my mom. Checked the ticket and saw that I was written up for 84. That bugs me even MORE cause your fine is based on how many miles you were going over the limit, blahhh.

After 3 years, I’ve received my first ticket -_- at least I lasted longer than my parents expected lol.. not really funny.

and on top of it, for you that know the situation I’ve been in since the beginning of the year.. THIS IS NOT GOOD AT ALL. & I can’t really tell me mom what really has me upset. I couldn’t even last half the year without getting in trouble :[

anyway, FML. lol -_-

what went from a simple catch up about boys.. lead into a conversation about what really was bothering me in terms of boys & relationships.. & then lead to what happened to our friendship.

he’s one of the few people that understands me. he knows what i’m saying without having me explain it, he’s never afraid to really let me know what he thinks, i don’t mind it (much) when he puts me on blast.. even if it’s just us two, he’s seen my ups and downs, my best moments and my worst, and it still hanging around today. I’m not as reluctant to tell him how I really feel about certain things, even if it all comes out as a mess and doesn’t make much sense, I know somehow he understands and he’s patient with my denial behavior.. knowing that i’ll eventually accept the truth & i’ll eventually admit it.. even if it means admitting that I’m a fool. i guess he just knows me that well.

there are less than a handful of people that i would consider anything close to being a ‘best friend’.. to being my best friend.. & he’s definitely one of em

& two other lovely ladies that I hope know who they are. they make the complicated things in life easier to live with, and the simple things in life worth living for. & right now, it’s rather comforting to know that we’ve been able to grow up together, even if i’m only talking about life after high school, & still be reallly good friends today. i loveee you guyss, really I do.

&> Kayceehface.

Just saw a girl wave her umbrella atthe elevator door & say “Alohomora.”

My friend wasn’t sure what’s funnier… The girl’s behavior or my ability to recognize what she did & my desire to tell her that’s not how you use that spell.

So I really need to learn to think before I speak. As it is I already slur my sentences together & fall over my words, but that’s besides the point. There are things that are said that are offensive that could be said differently. Being blunt has nothing to do with it & I wouldn’t say it’s sugarcoating that’s the issue. I’ve come to realize that [lately] I’ve been overthinking certain things that I need to bring into light & then there are the other situations where I probably didn’t even think at all before speaking. This is where I sort of feel stuck at this moment.. When I think about how to bring a certain topic to light, I tend to overthink.. & sometimes (if not maybe all the time), I end up never bringing it up cause I was too caught up in the if’s & but’s. & then it’ll eventually lagging to the point where whatever it is.. is discussed under rather negative circumstances or something of the like. So anyway, the point is.. rambling gets me in trouble. Overthinking sometimes represses those unexpressed feelings/thoughts which eventually can lead to other trouble.

I guess the bottom line is that I’m torn as to how/where to draw these boundaries.

And on a slightly other note, I was once told that I shouldn’t have to explain why I feel a certain way to anyone.. in the matter of making up excuses & defending my own thoughts and feelings. So in terms of what I say that may be offensive in any matter.. I know I do not have to apologize for what I say.. but more along the lines of how I say it. I may be contradicting myself right now.. but I’m just rambling.. helps me straighten my thoughts out a bit.. Maybe I should go back to writing in a journal.. hmm.. ramblerambleramble. My mind is all jumbled up right now with sooo many things going on.. blahhhhhhh

[/RAMBLE]

So today was a super nice day. Unfortunately, I had spent most of the morning in bed because Reggie had failed to answer my 7am wake up call. Went on a Jamba Juice run with Katie for their BOGO deal (my new favorite is Pomegranate Pick Me Up ! yummm), & spent a bit of time reading up for Abnormal Psychology & helping Katie with her homework. Stopped by Ethanbaby’s birthday party. Chilled a bit with the fam before meeting up with Reg.

Since we had failed to go on our morning hike at Mission Peak like he had finally agreed to go on, we decided to stick to the original plan of going in the late afternoon. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, weather-wise. As usual I wore a light colored sweater to keep from burning too much. lol, I prolly looked a bit crazy in the heat, but there were others in their outerwear ! I haven’t been hiking in helllla long, but it felt good to be out there again (minus my allergies ! :[ stupid nose and eye irritations !). Unfortunately, we only made it pass the 2nd stop.. accidentally skipping the bench because we had decided to cut the turn -_- We decided to only make half the trip before turning back. I HAVE YET TO COMPLETE THE WHOLE TRAIL ! [I hope to complete it with Viann the next time we go :]]

We had debated over ice cream, but we opted for Jamba Juice.. though I didn’t really plan on getting anything since I already had a powersize earlier on in the day.. the BOGO deal was still going on, so I decided it wouldn’t hurt. lol.

Tomorrow is Monday & I’m dreading the week. Time is going by way too fast & I barely have a grasp on things. I’m not going to lie, I’ve been having more fun these past few weekends than I recall the past few months.. but time needs to slow down a tiny bit please. As much as I want these 5 months to go by so I can be 21 already, it also means I’m leaving within that time as well. Booface.

How do you tell someone you don’t agree with what they’re doing ? That you’re worried that things have gotten too far ?

so I don’t know if I’m just lazy, or what.. but it’s already the 3rd week of the quarter. I’ve so far bombed 2 exams (well, in reality I got a 74% on my abnormal psych exam.. but that’s pretty bad for an open book test.. lol) & I have yet to do any math homework or have any idea as to what is going on in Philosophy except the fact that DARK CITY is a trippy ass movie.

But anyway, it’s slowly hitting me that.. I still have 5 months til I move.. i only have 5 months. I’m beginning to feel as if time isn’t going by fast enough, when in fact.. it’s going by too fast already. 5 months sounds like a while, but I’m afraid it’s not going to be enough time (?) With my limited free time between school & work as it is, it definitely feels like there isn’t enough time. We’re trying to make plans, but it seems everything is already overlapping each other & rainchecks are already being made.

Anyway, after a short conversation with Katie earlier. I’m thinking about packing things up early. We’re doing some rearranging in my house & it would only makes sense if I included myself in the present rearranging so it’ll cause less trouble later. Just the thought of packing my stuff away already is making it all that much more real though ;[

where I don’t want to do anything.. where I wish I had someone to have a lazy relaxing day with, just laying in bed, napping or watching a movie, snacking on our favorite foods—& right now I’m craving cold stone & red velvet cupcakes !, just forgetting about the daily stresses, forgetting the world around us, & just enjoy good company. & then it cycles into the feeling of loneliness, which just reinforces me feelings of doing nothing. it just becomes a cycle until I get myself to fall out of it.

k, time to get ready for work. WORKING ALONE TONIGHT :[ this isn’t helping my mood… lol. Come visit <33

it’s going to be the end of us.

as determined as I am to push forward with my life, a part of me feels like there are things that are pulling me back.. almost enough to slow me down. For a moment, I’ll allow myself to wander into those memories, the good and the bad, and [then] I have to remind myself that those people and those things, did not make it into my present for a reason. i have to remind myself what I’ve learned from it.. & what I’ve become from it, to continue to move on.. not allowing myself to forget what was, and to keep an open mind to what will be.

I think it would be a cute idea for a date to go to one of those ceramic/arts & craft studios like Petroglyph or Color Me Mine. Just spend a couple of hours together making stuff :)

hiitram:

verbalspasms:

prodigyofobasiokere:goldendreamsdiamondthoughts:\sofarqone:jaenichole:

(via applebandit)